Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
