Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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