I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
