be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
