remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
