he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
