I wanna passion pit in your ass
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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