i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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