You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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