He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
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