u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I don't deserve a penis
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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