this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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