How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
