I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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