My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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