fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
