I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
