Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize