If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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