Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
