I can text with my tongue
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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