I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
