awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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