i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
