he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
