So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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