If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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