I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
