I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
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