If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
