true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
