New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
