I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Randomize