hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
smell my finger.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
