who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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