She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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