His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
