If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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