He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
