Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
