Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
