Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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