And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize