Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i love accidental penises.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Vodka?
Forever.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
