6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
