So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
