please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
