You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
