Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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