I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
