Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize