I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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