I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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