We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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