I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
