The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
