yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
