connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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