Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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