i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
