# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
