I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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