Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
