dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
