Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
we should paint friendship bongs
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
