It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
