I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize