you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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