Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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