In the future we'll all be gay
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
