I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
