you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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