why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I touched a dick in church today
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
