He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
