We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
