you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
