i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
