Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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