I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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