how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
