i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize