you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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