Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
