hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
