bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
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