This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
