Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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