he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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