hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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