I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
